That feeling...

Have you ever had the feeling that you're worth nothing when you're not the top? It completely sucks. You get the feeling that you're not the best and thus, would be denied the opportunity to do the things you want in our meritocratic system. Not being the best just makes you "average" and nothing else. You don't feel special, you don't feel good, you feel worthless and you know very well that others will have an added advantage over you. This directly translates into stronger/more competition for places for internships, scholarships, universities places and jobs. The very worse part is that you know you can do well and reach the top. Your goals are so near and yet so far. You're so close to reaching it but yet you can't. You know you can get the prestige and recognition but you can't get it. It's mentally and emotionally frustrating. I feel like that. I know that I can never get an internship during the holidays...not that I'll even get the opportunity to apply for one in the first place. I absolutely hate it. I'm very disappointed with myself. Life sucks.