A lot of things have happened for the past 2 months or so. It's been very hectic and confusing so much so I think I'm going to go crazy soon. I've been tranferring in and out of places as well as hospitals. It seems like I've been falling ill like crazy ever since I enlisted; it must be the obscenely high levels stress. Maybe I'm just not cut out for national service. I'm too soft of a person to be able to handle all the agression and military life. I'm the kind of person that is not able to scream and shout loudly.
But anyway at least I've been given some form of help. I've been given lots of drugs (anti-depressants to be exact) to control my depression as well as anxiety. They will last me for 3 months. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder as well as Depression apparently. The two come together in tandem which sucks. It was kind of unexpected. I knew I've always been an anxious person and my good friends have said that I worry too much about every little thing. I thought it was a normal thing until I came about to know about this condition.
Sigh. Everyday is a pain. One day feels like two and just when I thought that I managed to survive a day of horror and despair, I wake up again to realise that I have to go through the entire thing all over again for another day until the week has ended. I'm terrified of going back to camp. It makes me really anxious and so far I get panic attacks each time I'm there. I feel like I'm going crazy all the time and my heart pounds as if it's going to jump out throughout the entire day. And of course I feel like crap. I can't relax at home and I cry rather often now. Silly me.
I really don't know what to expect in the time to come. I'm so afraid of the future. Everything is so unpredictable now and the uncertainty worries me a lot. But thankfully I have the full support of my family and friends. They've been so encouraging; my father especially. I've become much closer to him and we talk more now than we ever did in say years I suppose. Maybe this incident is a good thing. I can't forget my very good friends of course like Nora, Joanna, Amelia, Yun Lin and Sarah. They've been so kind to keep me company whenever I'm alone. They're just really good people with very kind hearts. I really enjoy their company and they help me take my mind off things. Thank you very much friends! You guys are great! I know I'm really fortunate and I should really try to appreciate what I have.
I was also looking at pictures I took in Switzerland. I absolutely love that country. I'm definitely going back there. I think I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't have the prospect of having to go to NS hanging over me throughout the entire time.
That's all for now. Sigh, I wish I was still in Switzerland. <3
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